Out of control – and learning on the way

Following a really stirring recommendation from Dave Smith, senior pastor at our Church – KingsGate Community Church, I bought the book “Divine Mentor” by Wayne Cordeiro.

The book is a real honest and down-to-earth call to read the bible, and it opens our eyes to a rather novel way of viewing the experience. Wayne, who leads a network of churches in Hawaii, tells us how he uses the people within the bible as his mentors in everyday life and how the different people can speak into our lives on a regular basis.

This not only stirred me to start listening to the bible daily (using the excellent DailyAudioBible website with their daily podcasts for the bible in a year, and the book of proverbs in a month) but also kicked me in the rear about starting to listen to sermons and preaches on a daily basis – something I try to do when driving home from work but have fallen out of the habit in the past couple of months.

I decided to add to my usual library of speakers by subscribing to the Mars Hill podcast and learning from Rob Bell, and the other pastors there. What I wasn’t expecting was to have my character completely scrutinised and brought under the microscope as I listened to two really excellent preaches from Matthew 7 – one about Judging and the other about Ask, Seek and Knock.

The first preach completely cracked open an area that I have started to become painfully aware of in the last couple of months – and an area that I am having to work hard to rectify. The subject of trying to control others either by criticising, judging, manipulating or belittling and shaming. Rob Bell spoke very passionately and clearly around the whole subject, and as he did it became more and more clear that this behaviour comes around, more often than not, through insecurities and low self-esteem.

It’s going to be a challenge and I suspect it will be a long and painful journey – but it’s clear that I need to make changes in my life and in the way I relate to others around me.

To anyone who reads this and feels that I have treated them this way, I want to offer my deepest apologies and ask for forgiveness. If anyone wishes to talk then please feel free to contact me – you can find me on facebook or by emailing me.

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